Sunday, February 28, 2010

A man, his weight, and his secret desire to be pretty(er): vanity and weight loss Part 1

Continuing on the theme of exploring mannish views on weight and weight loss, I have been thinking a lot recently about vanity.  [If you happen to know me personally, I would greatly appreciate if you could extinguish the snickering and withhold any snarky comments that might be traipsing down your tongue.  Just because I'm an easy target doesn't justify shooting me.  At least not all the time.]

For ages, it seems, women have been dealing with all the issues of body image, which has all sorts of impact on how they think about weight and weight loss.  Much has been written about this in too many places to count.  That said, I would definitely support the school of thought that the media does no favors with its ritual practice of creating unattainable and unhealthy body image.    If rock hard abs in a bikini or size -2 dress is the only definition of weight loss success, I suspect we are all quite doomed to a life of abject misery.  And frankly as a population, we deserve much better than that. 

But what about men and body image?  How does this work with the swarthy crowd?

As I often do, I will attempt to explore this topic by looking at myself and then naturally extrapolating to all men on planet Earth (I cannot speak for men from other planets or universes.  I just haven't met them.)  My plan is to explore this in a few posts, starting with the beginning of my weight gain.

To put this in a framework, let's kick it off with a fun fact.  According to regular polling done by Gallup over the years, roughly 33% people who are trying to lose weight are doing it for looks, 33% are doing it for health and 33% are doing it for both.  Said differently, despite all the recent (and extremely justified) focus on obesity as a health issue, vanity still plays a big part in the mix.  According to Gallup, men are somewhat more likely to cite health as a driver behind their weight loss, but not nearly as much as you might think.  But what role did vanity play for me? 

As I laid out in my very first couple of posts, I did not grow up with a weight issue.  In fact, I struggled to put weight on.  It seemed that no matter what I ate, I couldn't gain weight all the way through high school.  What I now realize is that my life before college was actually pretty nutritionally reasonable despite how I might have imagined my occasional binge behaviors.

Then college happened, and I started to gain weight through a regular diet of campus starch, beer, pizza, fried chicken, BBQ (to put it in perspective, I went to college in North Carolina).  I went from 6'3" and 175 lbs in high school to 210 pounds freshman year of college.  Truth be told, I much preferred the way I looked by the end of college as I was able to finally escape the heroin chic look that I couldn't quite shed in HS.  I also stayed pretty fit, so it was all good.

All of this would have been great had I not continued to keep packing on the pounds over the next 15 years.  Like a lot of guys, I would gain about 2-5 pounds per year, and then sometimes go back down a few pounds.  It was a slow, but inexorable creep.  However, when my career really started to pick up after business school, I shattered every weight milestone I had ever known.  At my measured peak, I was clocking in at a not too healthy 242 pounds (see reprint of the "who ate dave" picture to the right).

So how did that make me feel?  I've thought about that quite a bit over the past year.  I would not say that I was obsessive or grief stricken about my weight.  As a pretty tall guy, I was able to hide it with the right kind of clothes.  Also, it seemed that many of the guys I knew were dealing with the same issue.

Yet, I knew deep down that something was wrong with this picture.  First off, there was the doctor and life insurance person giving me a hard time about my weight.  I don't think they were doing so because they were bored or evil/spiteful -- I had high blood pressure and high cholesterol.  Second, there was the inescapable truth that I had to see myself without the benefit of camouflaging outfits every morning in the shower and in the mirror.  I remembered the TV ads from years ago with the line "if you can pinch more than an inch...".  Well, I could pinch an order of magnitude above that.  I did not like that way that made me feel.  That thing that women do when they describe performing a cruel body critique in the mirror?  I did that too.  You know what?  It's kind of a crummy way to start the morning.

So, if it made me feel badly, why?  First, the obvious answer.  It's not a great look.  I guess that makes me shallow, but I feel honesty is useful here.  No matter how hard I tried to suck it in, my layers of flab were an inescapable and not awesome looking truth.  Second, I didn't like what it symbolized about me.  I did not view being out of shape to be a great statement on me as a person.  I felt like it was evidence of a lack of discipline and hard work.  In truth, I was secretly embarrassed by the state of affairs. 

When I got my offer to work at Weight Watchers in early 2000, I publicly talked about the awesomeness of the opportunity when describing it to my friends, but I also was secretly  looking forward to a possible fix for this hidden (semi-hidden, anyway) and vexing issue.  I wanted Weight Watchers to make me look good naked.  TMI?  Fine.  I wanted Weight Watchers to make me look good in a swim suit. 

Health was an awesome reason to get in better shape, clean up my diet, etc., but want for vanity was my secret X factor.

To be continued...

Cheers,

dk

24 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing man's perspective on weight loss motivation. It is nice to know we are not so different after all.

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  2. Nice post and I would say you are not alone.
    I posted in your prior post about the quality of pre-packed food WW produces - from frozen to products on the shelf. Can you please comment on that and if improving them might be in the works?
    Or maybe you could explain why these products are fine just the way they are today- Thanks.
    Greg

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  3. Thanks Greg.

    Here is the approach that I'm taking on the types of topics I get into on this particular blog... As noted in my intro, I'm trying not to use the blog to get into specific WW policy and pronouncements. To the best of my ability, I'm participating here more as member and fellow weight loss journeyman than as CEO/president. It may be unreasonable or overly ambitious on my part, but that's my goal. Therefore, so as not to set a precedent that I cannot later escape, please allow me to demur on your question regarding food ingredients.

    Thx in advance for your understanding/patience!

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  4. Thanks for responding - makes sense to me- I understand completely. I really enjoy your posts.
    I am on the journey with you!
    By the way- it would really help me if you posted your workouts - a rough schedule and types of workouts - running, free weights, etc. Or if there is a book you recommend. I live on a farm so my workouts have to be at home - I do have a treadmill/free weights and many country roads.
    Best-
    Greg

    PS- did you get any of that pizza the other day?

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  5. Now that I think about it- I guess I would just ask, as a member to member question - what WW food products do you use and like? I would like to try them again.
    If this is too pushy - just ignore.
    Best-
    Greg

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  6. What WW foods do I like (and are staples)? Now that's a totally fair question, and an excellent topic for a future blog post. Consider it noted!

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  7. I think you are a great example to men on WW and they are lucky to have an honest "Man Blog" to view as they go through the process. And, I think as men or as women, we all want to look good naked.

    --Ali

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  8. Another great post, David. As a WW member myself, it is great to know that the CEO of my favorite company is so "real".

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  9. Thanks for the perspective. I know now about all the great health and energy benefits of being fit but when I first started out? 100% vanity. Funny how things change!

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  10. At age 48 I was not thinking vanity. I just wanted to be in good enough shape to live longer. Going to the gym with 40 pounds to loose was not working for me. I would work out and feel good but then sabotage myself by eating way too much and the wrong things. Three years of going to the gym did not help me reach my goals. I joined WW with my wife Aug 09 at 209 pounds. and learned how to eat. It was the first time in my life to learn about nutrition, meal planning and portion sizes. I have reached my goal and become a lifetime member of weight watchers. I must admit that I did not believe that I could ever reach the weight recommendation on the charts. I thought that was for young people but not for someone in their 50's.

    Loving Life at 51. 5'11" and 175#

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  11. Hi David,
    Great blog. I just ran across your name in the new book, The Decision Tree, by Thomas Goetz:
    http://thedecisiontree.com/blog/

    In it you are quoted as saying there are 20-25 habits people need to change inorder to lose weight permanently...could you post about these actual habits for us? Or if you don't want to tell us all of them, how about just the habits you changed specifically?

    Many thanks,
    Nicole

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  12. I just discovered your blog and have to say LOVE IT! Love your writing, love your story, love your language, LOVE IT! I'll definitely be back. Thanks for being here.

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  13. discovering your blog thanks to Facebook / WW.
    I am currently reading a very interesting book from Dr Zermatti about loosing weight without gaining it back, His point of view is very very interesting and joins sometimes the philosophy of WW. A book to be read if this can be found in the US !!

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  14. I appreciate your "mans perspective" blog, and your use of the word "awesomeness"

    I wish I could convince my boyfriend that WW is not just for women...

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  15. You are making me want to go back to WW. I became a lifetime member in 1980 and then had two more kids (make that 5 in all). Anyway I will be watching for your next post and getting myself back on track. Thanks.

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  16. Thanks for a great blog post.

    One of my big motivations was my 6 yr old grandson saying "Grandpa... why are you so fat?"... I answered as straight as I could be "Because I eat too much".

    I saw then how I was ignoring my body - and impacting both my health / and how my grandkids related to me. 1 yr later (on WW) 70lbs lighter and now running 3 miles every other day.. training for my first 10K in April.

    Katie... I spent the last 20 years saying "NO NO NO" to my wifes suggestions I try weightwatchers... So glad I finally took it on.

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  17. David your story is so motivating! Thank you so much for sharing from your heart. I am a weight watcher woman. I just reached my 75 pound loss and am so thankful for Weight Watchers. Our daughter is also a Weight Watcher person too (82 pound loss - and lifetime member). My hubby (also weight watchers) has lost 82 pounds as well! We have gotten our lives back and today I bought my 2 piece swim suit with boy shorts for our Spring Break Trip to Daytona! (Not TMI) ha ha!! Continue sharing the gift of life and joy to us all! :)

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  18. At 46 years old, I had struggled with my weight my whole life. I tried many times to lose weight and keep it off but I always gained it back.

    My doctor suggested Weight Watchers to me as a way to lose weight and get my blood pressure and cholesterol under control. I was skeptical at first and like others have posted, I thought this was a program for women.

    On October 1st, 2009 I signed up to use Weight Watchers online. I started out at 425 pounds and a year and 5 months later, I am down to 305 pounds and about halfway through my journey. My blood pressure and cholesterol level are both back to normal.

    I have gone from a couch potato that could barely walk 100 yards without needing to rest to an active person who is on the treadmill at the gym, outside riding my bicycle or walking 4 or 5 days a week.

    Due to the weight loss, I feel better about the way I look and I regularly receive compliments from friends, family, and most importantly my wife. What started out has a quest for better health has now expanded towards vanity.

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  19. I enjoyed your article, David. I love WW and have lost 100 lbs. I was not quite at goal yet, but problems with my foot and then discouragement about not exercising have just plagued me this fall, and I bounced up a little. It's frustrating, but I'm still hanging in there and love my meetings.
    People treat you differently based on your size, and I don't think being concerned about your image always translates as vanity. Putting the end to snide looks and comments behind your back is just a kind improvement to your own life. I once was the type of woman that wouldn't take the time and effort for weight loss because I considered it selfish and vain. Thank heavens I changed my mind.

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  20. We're all trying to get there too. I am down 10 and going for twenty more, thanks for all the comments. It's great to know we're in it together and that this WW program is something that I can keep doing for an improved life. It is good to hear a man's perspective since my husband struggles with weight issues too but thinks WW is just for women, so without actually getting into it he just follows my lead and we are both having success with it.

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  21. Great perspective! Thanks for sharing and putting yourself out there like that.

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  22. the more i read these posts the more i get enrolled into my weight loss journey. thanks everyone i am not alone :)

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  23. Dave thanks for sharing this. Your post was, as always, thoughtful, candid, and beautifully written (with a little humor thrown in for good measure ;)

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  24. Terrific share. I like your authenticity. Telling on yourself is always a great way to inspire & motivate others. And, you say it with humor.

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