Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Cheer up!!!

For all those who commented on my last post, many thanks.  It was a great discussion that is worthy of continuation.

The reactions to Tara's article and some of the columns it has spawned has been varied and often negative.  Two particular types of reactions touched me because I can totally relate to them.

Reaction #1:  If it's really hard to keep the weight off for a host of reasons, am I doomed to ultimately fail?

I think about this a lot as it relates to my own weight.  I do this even though people I know think I'm a bit of an unmitigated freak given that I've been at goal weight for nearly three years.  They wonder (usually aloud and within a foot of my face) what exactly I'm worried about?  "You look great.  In fact, you should go eat a sandwich."

As I have said on so many other posts, I more or less always feel that I'm a week of bad food away from spiraling into a horrific abyss of crushing weight gain.  I feel that as soon as I let go, everything will slip away.  I always feel like I'm living on borrowed time and that it's only a matter of time before I fully revert to a stuffed pizza & breakfast burrito fueled weight escalation.  I'm doomed!  And I never learned to read!

These kinds of personal histrionics are frankly exhausting.  

Logically, there are reasons that I harbor these seemingly crazy fears.  I know that I suffer from food lust.  I know that I would be perfectly happy to eat three to four pounds of cashews every day.  I know this because I sometimes find myself being a little out of control, and I know what that feels like.  I know what's it's like to be in the mental grip when everything in my peripheral vision disappears, and all I can see is the food that I am shoving into my mouth as fast as it will go.  It goes without saying that every time I do get out of control, I beat the living crap out of myself.

Yet in more lucid moments, I try to ask myself the question:  what exactly is the big deal?  When I spend a day living healthily, I feel great and I'm not even hungry.  I remind myself that I really do like the better-for-me foods that I now eat.  I remind myself that fried food generally gives me a bad case of indigestion, and I don't sleep well afterwards.  So there you have it:  the healthy life makes me feel great and leaves me fully satisfied while the I-need-an-exorcism unhealthy life makes me feel like dirt.  So why am I tempted by temptation?  I will leave this to religious scholars and philosophers to sort out, but it is comforting to know that it is, on some level, all in my head.

If it is in my head, I know that I need to be careful about who else I let muck around inside my skull.  If I keep telling myself, or let someone else tell me that I my healthier life is deprived and terrible, then living healthy will seem really hard and unsustainable.  If I listen to the truth and not the words that have passed through my personal distortion field, I can then take a deep couple of breaths and take comfort in my happy, healthier life.

I can also take comfort in knowing that because I operate on a level of heightened alert, I can very cued into knowing when I'm falling by the wayside.  Early intervention helps because it means I have less to recover from when I do stumble.  The worse thing I could do to myself is to live in denial when I am falling headlong and backwards into my old life.

By the way.  If you are achieving success in making a change in the path of your life, try not to lose sight of the bigger picture.  You completely rock the house!  Whatever angst I may sometimes feel about all of this maintaining my healthy life, I would not in 1,000 years give up the successes I've had to throw in the towel and quit.  It may be a challenge and sometimes even hard, but it has been completely and utterly worth the effort.  

Reaction #2:  if you are actively maintaining your weight loss you must have a bad relationship with food

Well, you can't win for losing (sorry about the pun).  There is always someone out there who is perfectly happy to judge someone else, and this topic is no exception.  Let me just be clear.  The people from the National Weight Control Registry who are being poked at are being criticized because they are vigilantly working to keep their weight off.  Let see...  They are actively making sure that they manage portion sizes.  They are keeping a food diary to try to avoid mindless eating.  They are making sure to exercise an hour each day (btw, this is the official recommendation of the US government on activity).  They are very careful about managing their interactions with junk food.  Damned them!!!!

We live in a world in which we are surrounded by lots of unhealthy food choices and temptations.  It's called an obesogenic environment for a reason.  Until someone can make it all go away, and I'm not holding my breath on this, we all have to find a way to manage while we still live in it.  If you lived in a neighborhood with rampant crime, you'd lock your doors and be careful not to wander around the park in the middle of the night.  You would not blithely walk around in an oblivious state on the assumption that the police will keep you safe no matter what.  How is protecting ourselves in an environment of junk food, fries and soda any different?

It may feel frustrating that it has to be this way, but for many of us, me included, living healthy requires effort and a certain amount of vigilance.  It requires managing our personal environment so that we do not have to constantly test ourselves in the face of temptation.  It requires establishing habits and routines that make us more aware and mindful of what we are doing.  Most of my food vices are the result of mindless habits and actions.  I know that I have to create triggers and stimuli to help me manage them.  This is why I take advantage of tools and support to help me handle these challenges.  Tracking is the biggest tool hanging from my healthy life utility belt, but I use many others as well.

If there is one mindset we should all endeavor to embrace in this very difficult topic it should be one of empathy, not judgement.  There is no room to judge those who suffer from obesity, and there is certainly no room to judge from those who try to do something about it.  Perhaps we should all focus on fixing ourselves and supporting each other in the process, not telling each other what to do or standing in judgement.

So here is my final proposal for consideration.  For all of us who are trying to hold onto our progress in making a healthier life for ourselves, let's take a few deep breaths and then give ourselves a well deserved pat on the back.  We may slip, trip, fall and stumble, but we can and will get right back up.  We can watch where we're walking so we don't trip as often (this happens to me a lot), and we should never feel badly about that (!).  BTW, if you are proud of what you have achieved, don't be shy.  You should be proud.  If you are feeling badly for have stumbled, don't sweat it.  It happens to the best of us and all of us.  Know that you are not alone and that there is no shortage of people who are willing and want to help.

Cheers,

David

31 comments:

  1. Great post! That other article made me fear life after reaching goal. I am from the Netherlands by the way. And for the opening of the first WW store they had a competition you could win a WW pesonal coach for a year and I won!.. I'm so excited!

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  2. Another great post. Each of us has to figure out what works for us,including what works over the long haul and through to maintenance. And yes, it would be a lot better if we had mindset of empathy. So many look at me and want to know what I'm doing (61 down and counting). Then when they hear I'm focusing on eating good protein and green vegetables, they start to pause. Then when I say I don't eat white starches, sugar etc. they say "I could never do that." Well thanks for the support. I'm not forcing you to do what I'm doing, but you asked. I love dessert but I don't crave it anymore. Eating a bit more protein means I'm no longer hungry while trying to get to my goal weight. I finally feel like I'll actually get to it. That's a gift. JoAnn

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  3. I hope you don't think that what I was saying in my last comment was, "We should all just give up, what's the point of this all anyway, it will never work". That's not it at all.

    I guess I was just trying to say that as someone who has done various diets (including WW, 3 times) and lost a significant amount of weight only to gain it back and while STILL dieting and training for a triathlon, I have come to the conclusion that for myself, eating decent food and getting some exercise has become my main goal now, not weight loss. I have stopped putting weight loss as the final goal, and have decided that if that's a side effect of living well, then that's fine.

    For me, there have been too many times when I've followed plan, met all the GHG, and gotten plenty of activity points, for over a month, and NOT lost weight, and gone, "Oh, this isn't working," and then quit. WHAT wasn't working exactly? I was taking care of myself, eating better, etc, but because of an arbitrary number on the scale I decided that all of that wasn't worth anything.

    And THAT is what I think is interesting about that last post; we judge people's health based purely on their weight the majority of the time, but studies like that prove that it's not a valid method. I eat very well and exercise regularly, have excellent LD/cholesterol and blood pressure, but am overweight. At this point, I would be working to lose weight purely for aesthetics, which is certainly a valid choice. But I feel that if I'm already listening to my body and eating well, I might have to drop my intake down to a level that is unnatural in order to achieve weight loss; is it worth it? For some people it may very well be. For me, it isn't.

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    1. Natasha, I really love this one! I find you've done a very pertinent distinction between health and aesthetics here -- thank you so much! Do you have a blog or another outlet where I could read more from you?

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    2. Thanks for your kind words! I actually do have a blog, called www.healthyhedonista.com

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  4. Best post EVER! I am a multi-year WWer and am down almost 90 lbs and am one sneeze away from goal. I'm struggling with trying to hit that magic goal number and am freaking out a bit about keeping this weight off. And keeping it off forever. The part where you say "I'm living on borrowed time and that it's only a matter of time before I fully revert to a stuffed pizza & breakfast burrito fueled weight escalation. I'm doomed!" hit so close to home. It's good to hear that even the CEO of WW who's been at goal for some time still has these feelings. I thought once I lost the weight I'd have all the knowledge and feel like I can say "I've got this..." And that's why I love reading your blog. You remind me that this really is a life long commitment - and commitments take time and effort and sacrifice and determination! The road won't always be easy but giving into the hard parts just is not worth going back to where I was 90 lbs heavier. Thank you for your words.

    Kelly
    khamilton obrienlaw.com

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    1. Kelly, you hit the nail on the head! I am down >80lbs and about 16lbs from goal and feeling much of what you just spoke of.


      So, yes, thank you, David for the kind words.

      PamF

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  5. I am on the National Weight Control Registry and have been at goal for over 6 years. My brain is pretty well re-wired to want the good stuff and reject the greasy, fatty foods I used to love. It's a lot easier than it used to be to maintain my weight below goal, but I still have to be pretty vigilant. In fact, I was at a WW meeting today and use my blog to connect with other successful WW members. I have many safeguards in place to help me stay below goal, but the day I think I'm "over" having to be careful is the day my brain becomes re-wired to careen into the fatty junk food abyss. Some people think that it's easy for me because I've been at goal for so long, but the truth is that I value being healthy and thin.

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  6. I was wondering what David's goal weight is, I'm the same height and have lost 40+ pounds since Sept. I know that I want to lose around 10 more but I'm curious as to what his weight is.

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  7. Thank you for this post. I could relate to all the worrying about regaining and all the "crazy" fears. I know what I need to do to stay at goal but I will admit I have to work at it. It does not come naturally to me. I credit Weight Watchers for giving the so many tools to help me on my way.

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  8. Timing is everything! Thank you David Kirchoff!

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  9. I can't believe I am reading this the morning after I overindulged (those new WW Praline Nut Cluster Bars are sooo good). But I, like you, am an "early interventer". Lifetime for 4 years (60 lbs gone!) and WW Leader for 2, but I still, like you, am actively managing my weight. But no matter what it takes, I will not let myself fall back to where I started. Thanks for your post!

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  10. I also found the Dr Oz show Monday to be a bit disconcerting - like Tara's article. Dr Oz and guests are recommending Gastric Bypass surgery at a much lower BMI now as a quick cure for people especially with one of the risk factors like Type II Diabetes.

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  11. I always love your posts! this one and the previous have really hit the mark with me. After loosing 100 lbs, I made Lifetime (at a prescription weight, not BMI normal) and gained back 50. I've been working on getting back to the goal (and it's been way slower than the first lost - the 50 has taken twice as long as the original 100.)and I have goal now to go all the way to normal BMI! But here's the thing that I've learned with long journey - now 9 years in the making (I started in 2003), I have to track my food for the rest of my life, just as you say that is the key to lifetime maintenance of a healthy weight! I liken it to being like an alcoholic who can never drink for their lives once they are in recovery from the alcoholism! People judge this, but I just tell them it's like not overdrafting your checking account - I track my money and and I track the currency of my food - Pointsplus. WW system makes it simple really!

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  12. It's taken me many years not to feel "abnormal" for having to pay attention to what I eat. I felt like normal people don't have to do that. Well, I guess the "normal" people are those who are making up the staggering obesity statistics we now find ourselves with.

    I'm finally feeling comfortable with the fact that I will ALWAYS have to watch what I eat. And, that's okay with me. Weight Watchers and the healthy habits I've developed are helping me to have a long, productive, and healthy life. I'll choose that over a pizza any day.

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  13. While everyone's experiences and struggles vary, the one thing that seems to be relatively universal is the difficulty maintaining. I have to wonder - if more emphasis was placed on the psychology of weight loss (behavioral changes) and less emphasis was placed on the process of weight loss -- would members find it less difficult to maintain?

    My own experience includes a 124.6 pound weight loss. The first 100 came off rather easily. I reached that milestone in 2 1/2 years. In the past almost 4 years I've lost 24.6 pounds. I took the opportunity of the slow weight to learn. Learn about nutrition, learn about what triggers really are, learn about why I sometimes lose control.

    Learning about how my own behaviors, my lifestyle, my relationships with others, and my likes and dislikes affect my food choices has enabled me to make changes that have become second nature.

    Would others find it easier to maintain if they were more in-tune with the psychology, rather than focusing on the process? It's a question that I would like an answer to, if there is one.

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    1. Sandi, I really appreciate this take on things! I would find this extremely valuable! Hope there'll be an opportunity for you to elaborate further on these aspects.

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  14. Great post. I regards to Dr Oz recommending gastric bypass to avert type 2 diabetes, I feel that is crazy. I have been pre-diabetic for almost two years. My percentage has gone down and I am almost no longer pre-diabetic. I have done all this with WW and not surgery. I believe it is healthier to follow WW and not have surgery. I have a relative who had surgery several years ago and is now heavier than before she had surgery.

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  15. I really appreciate your post, David. It inspired me to comment on my "Big Apple, Small Waistline" WW blog, with this: "Being Aware (and Even Occasionally Embracing) Our Unhealthy Environments: http://community.weightwatchers.com/Blogs/ViewPost.aspx?threadID=1569424

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  16. I felt like I could have written Reaction #1. Cashews are on the front seat of my car as we speak. But then again as I head out to work (as a TM)this morning I also have water and fruit, so maybe all is not lost. I had the anniversary of my goal date on January 18th and I realized that I can 1) stay within 2 pounds of my goal for my monthly weigh in (I DID NOT THINK THIS WAS ACHIEVABLE)2) can maintain weight through extreme stress 3) continue to learn new habits. For me becoming employed with WW Canada is the best gift I ever received. I love my job and the new me!! Love your blog.

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  17. This has to be the best post yet. Thank you!

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  18. Great blog. To me, it all comes down to "pick your hard". I have a choice between being over weight and dealing with the health issues, low self esteem and physical discomfort OR I can chose to be vigilant and accept that eating healthy and exercising is the path that I want to take.

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  19. Yes, our ongoing battle with weight is a very hard one - though so worth it!! Life is tough, it isn't just weight - its so many things - which is why we have to celebrate and relish the successes along the way - however small. We all stumble, but how we deal with those lows will make all the difference - in the end it is totally our choice! Great Blog!! Thanks!!

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  20. Absolutely! And very well said. I lost 42 lbs. So, I struggle with 10-12 of them 3 years later, so what! My eating is healthier, my attitude is better, my confidence is higher. In the great scheme it's not as big a deal as I sometimes make it, as the main thing is, I'm on top of it before it becomes more. like I did for so many years before I lost my weight. Thanks for making me feel ok!

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  21. I'm wondering why, if you are so in favor of a healtier lifestyle, does your company practically ignore its subscribers who follow the SFT Plan? We receive little to no support online or at meetings, get conflicting information when we DO get someone to talk to us, and our message board, which many of us use as a meeting as online memebers, is continually getting posts pulled.

    I've been a WW member for several years and honestly, I have all the info I need to continue to be successful without paying you gobs of money every year. So please, can you tell me exactly what is it I'm paying for? It certainly isn't support or great customer service.

    I will go so far as to say that your Community Customer Service Team is a complete oxymoron. They offer no support whatsoever except for canned responses to questions. Does ANYONE read what is asked? When a post is reported does ANYONE read the reported post or is it just automatically removed? I ask this because the following is a post I had removed on Thursday. "Hey everyone! What happened to the SFT Recipe Collection Thread?" That is the post in its entirety. And one of about 20 posts I have had pulled in the last 4 days.

    We have tried emails, phone calls and letters. What do we have to do to get these issues addressed?

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  22. David, I've only just come across your blog, thank you for this. I'm a returning WW member (finding Pro Points much more livable than Points as well, thank you!) I never quite reached goal weight, but maintained for 3 years, first actively then just as a matter of course as I found WW instills a good awareness of your eating habits generally. So when I noticed myself slipping into old habits I thought I'd have another go, not only to regain discipline, but to finally reach goal.

    I'm on the small end of the scale at under 9st and completely relate to the unhelpful sentiments of people recommending I eat a sandwich instead of count my Points. I'm sure it's well-meaning but I find it extremely frustrating.

    Couldn't agree more that healthy eating requires effort and vigilance, unfortunately it's cheaper and easier to eat badly and be inactive. We are built for the hunt but live in a world where doughnuts almost throw themselves at you.

    Nat

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  23. Your Blog was right in line with this wks Weight Watcher meeting. We talked about Tracking and that successful, long term, wt loss is attributed to tracking....I suggested to my leader, and fellow meeting attendee's, that they check out your blog for this intel and for its relevance to us. We have many men in our meeting and maybe reading about your success and struggles will help them!
    I read your blogs often and truly enjoy their content!

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  24. David,
    When I read your post, I felt that it was exactly the what I feel about food and slipping back to "bad habits and lifestyle." I, too, have also had people tell me to eat more, you deserve it, and "what do you have to worry about, you look great?!" The worse thing that scares me is I will go backwards and gain the weight - and that is why I continually go to the meetings every week even though I am at Lifetime (for 8 months), faithfully read your blog every week as it just motivates and continues to give me encouragement and support, and other tools (WW website/magazine, etc.). Thank you for taking the time to write every week - it means so much to me.
    Anne

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  25. I just stumbled across this blog ... having been on WW for a little over 8 weeks. (17 pounds down so far!)

    As I read the phrase "horrific abyss of crushing weight gain" in the blog, I couldn't help but think: "That's a great name for a band"! 8-D

    Ok, maybe just "horrific abyss".

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  26. emotional eating is what gets me into the trap of eating food to feel better all the time, trying to fix problems in my life so i don't gain the weight back!

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